I, too, have an opinion

My name is Elizabeth and I'm probably at the movies right this very minute.

The Happening

I hate myself just a bit for seeing this movie.

IMDB Plot Synopsis: A paranoid thriller about a family on the run from a natural crisis that presents a large-scale threat to humanity.
  1. This movie is BAD. B.A.D. BAD. I’m not a big M. Night Shyamalan fan to begin with (Unbreakable broke my brain in a bad way on a transatlantic flight once) so I admit I had low expectations going into it, but the true horrors of this movie don’t come from me not liking this type of movie but from the fact that it just plain sucked.
  2. This is the worst I’ve ever seen Mark Wahlberg. I know it’s hard to work with crappy, stunted dialogue comprised solely of terribly obvious reactions to what’s going on in the scene, but MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. Also, worst science teacher EVER.
  3. There were these people in the audience who were taking this movie way too seriously because they actually got a theatre staff person to come and talk to these two guys behind us who were laughing hysterically through the whole thing. I’m sorry, this movie DEMANDS to be mocked mercilessly.
  4. If you’re dying to know what the twist in this movie is, it’s this: there is no twist. No, really. People are randomly killed by plant life over the course of twenty-four hours and then once they’re all feeling safe again three months later, it starts to happen in France. And that’s how it ends. So fucking ridiculous.
  5. No, really, that’s the premise of the movie: that plants can release powerful airborne chemicals to defend themselves against enemies, which includes being able to evolve pretty instantaneously so that they can defend themselves against the threat of humans. What this looks like on screen is a breeze cutting across fields of grass and through trees, followed by people killing themselves randomly.
  6. I can’t harp on it enough: why on earth is the acting so bad in this movie? Every single person who appears in it seems to have forgotten their ability to act. Even people who might have been bad actors to begin with are exponentially worse in this. This does not qualify as ironic B-movie acting, either.
  7. I kept hoping the little girl was demonic and could control nature with her brain and was using her powers for evil rather than good. I was wrong. Sadly, I don’t think my version could have made the movie any worse.
  8. IMDB recommends that if I like this movie, I’ll like The Departed. HOW DARE THEY SUGGEST SUCH A THING.
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  1. August 13, 2009 Doucher said:

    This movie inspired me to walk outside and chop down a tree.

    Reply

    August 30th, 2010 todd said:

    @Doucher, you win best one-liner award. just great.

    Reply

  2. February 4, 2010 Christine said:

    I only saw the first and last two minutes of this movie, and since I was young and stupid when this movie came out I was like OMGWTFSUICIDEEVERYWHERE. Now I know why everyone looked at me like a crazy person when I said I liked The Happening.

    Reply

  3. April 19, 2010 Simile said:

    I’m very afraid for Shyamalan’s next movie. The Last Airbender had better be cool. It had better be good, not just decent, but good. Lol

    Reply

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